All L Breaks Lose
music: Dashboard Confessional - VindicatedPeople describe life is like a roller coaster ride. Today, I arrived at the tip of a vertical track and plunged down 90°. I feel completely terrible..lost..hopeless. I sense everyone is against me. Maybe I was being paranoid courtesy of my emotions that had gone haywire. I feel sad and at the point of breaking down in school. After coming home, suicide was playing in my mind. I kept telling myself that something evil is screwing my mind and I'm not letting it get me. I've decided that I don't care anymore whether others like me or not. I'm not giving a fuck. I've cared too much of what others think of me. Too much that I tried so hard to please everyone. For years I've been doing that. Finally, I'm tired. I'm not going to be that good kid anymore. I think this might have been the reason that lead me to rebel against my parents that day. All these actions that I refrain from doing in fear of hurting others' feelings, are being bottled up (not only emotions are bottled up) for far too long. I just want to rebel against everybody lately. Especially doing things that could make people worry, hurt or injured. I think I might be mentally sick for having thoughts like that. At least so far, I have done nothing of the above.
When I was 14 or 15, I never understood why those articles that I read always insist that teenagers are rebellious, especially at the age of puberty. I was not like that at all. I tried to be nice and perfect for my parents. Until recently...I think I'm beginning to turn into a teenager, although I am 18. I want to be rebellious. I want to go against my parents' wishes. I want to flunk my exams to shock everyone. I want to be different from my peers by hating everything mainstream. I threw a paper plane when my teacher has her back facing us :> I'm thinking of doing absolutely adventuress and insane things like jumping off an airplane or cycle for days throughout the peninsular. I'm constantly yearning for something different in my life. Maybe this is just another crazy phase I have to go through before I became an adult.
I was depressed until I got online, visited The L Word forum and read all the postings about the new Season 2 promos. I'm all smiley face now because I'm downloading All L Breaks Lose sneak peak ^__^ Hehehe. It's funny how a show can lift your mood up just like that. Again, I've returned to my oblivious world of The L Word (that's when I'm too engrossed in the show that for a moment, I become oblivious of things going on around me) XD
