A Heavy Burden Called Secret
music: The Decemberists - The Engine DriverI have to lie to my mom in order to get to town tomorrow. I can't believe that I have to do this at some point in my life. I'm sorry mom. But I just can't tell her about what I'm doing in town. Two months ago, I broke grandfather's camera. Things like this always happen to me. Something which I care about very much always fail me. I tried fixing it by myself to no avail. My last resort is the camera shop in town that my dad brought me to visit. I made a call today and the person who answered told me that they do service cameras. I pray hard that they can repair my grandfather's camera which he has used for decades as a photographer to support his family then.
I wish I could tell this to somebody who cares to listen and understand before jumping to conclusion. But there is nobody I know who concerns enough about what I am going through. I know that the camera means a lot and has a high sentimental value to grandpa. So does it to me. I was terribly heart broken during that month when I couldn't use the camera anymore. If mom or dad knew about this, they would have no more faith in me. For years my grandfather has used this camera and it was still in good condition when it reached me. Meanwhile, I don't even need half a year to break the lens mount and detach the av string. My parents would never try to understand this before blaming me. That I feel sad about this too and that I don't want them thinking that I'm not capable of doing something right. I admit that I made a clumsy move and I broke it. It's not intentional. They would probably never allow me to embark on any new hobbies after knowing this. I'm positive that they will stop my plan to purchase a dSLR too. So, I can't turn to mom or dad or friends. Just therapist or God but I don't see any of the former and I still can't accept the latter. Only you, only you... Blogger.
