I Am Useless
music: Heart - No Other LoveI had an awesome day... clicking away the shutter at the botanic gardens where an international floral festival was held. Photography has definitely brought happiness into my life. It's like the alcohol equivalent. When you're at it, you just forget about all the sorrow you are facing. You try to look at things at different angles, to find the perfect and most beautiful perspective. You capture it and keep it the way you see it. Every moment in your life passes by every second, so quickly. Every beautiful thing that God has created just slips by your eyes before you could even stop to appreciate it. Ever since I discovered photography, I discover how wonderful this earth I live in. I thought beauty no longer exists, not in my life nor this world. All I see are destruction, over-development, hatred and war among our own kind, selfish people, arrogant people... I live everyday despising my life because I couldn't connect with people. I couldn't help always feeling depressed and useless. But then I found a door that eventually let me forget those feeling. Instead of constantly looking at negative, I am beginning to look at the positive.
I am progressing well. I am starting to feel like I am capable of producing good result through what I've worked for. I am beginning to get rid of this perception that I am always a failure. But then this had to happen? WHY? AM I DESTINED TO BE A FAILURE? IS THIS MY DESTINY? I AM NOT SUPPOSE TO ACHIEVE ANYTHING THAT I CAN BE PROUD OF? I guess I'm just stupid. I am worthless. I am nothing in this world. I am incapable of everything. Not relationship with people. Not even in doing something which I like. Everything, anything that I've ever tried doing fails miserably.
My camera is broken. The entire roll of film I shot this morning snaps out from the casing. The one and only thing that could make me feel proud of myself...I can't get that right either. Fuck. I have lost enthusiasm in everything. GOD..PLEASE TAKE MY MEANINGLESS LIFE!
