Saturday, May 21
New Found Feeling For Babies and Blood
music: Iggy Pop & The Stooges - Gimme Danger
Exam isn't over yet. But to hell with it. Yesterday, I spent the entire day watching tv. I rewatch the first few episodes of The L Word S1 while my parents went to town. Hehe. Sneaky :] I bet they'll feel sorry for having such a daughter, just like how they feel towards some school kids that they saw, smoking at the playground. I realised that I'm very attracted to Jennifer Beals' voice. Especially when she says the phrase about disposition and intent and Lara Perkins n_n Funny though, that you can fall in love with someone's voice. Then I watch Racing Stripes. It was so hilarious. Good movie, yeah. Well, I kinda need those boost of entertainment because I've been bored to death lately by staring at books.
Downloaded those labor scenes! Yep ^.^ I wish there would've been more tender moments between Bette and Tina during the labor. Like Bette whispering words of endearments to Tina. Kissing her forehead :> Smooch smooch. I finally "see" how cute babies are. I used to hate babies because they are a nuisance and make lots of noice. But then, watching Bette holding that little bundle.. ;) Babies are damn cute.
I spitted mouthfuls of blood during my visit to my dentist. Goddamn infection again. The gum was swollen and I thought all the while that it was just a reaction towards the tightening of the braces. The moron dentist make me look at it while he blissfully poke at it, me watching the blood oozes out and he squized some white stuff out. It was like forever when he cleaned the wound with that high pressure water thingy. I had to withhold the pain. Ugh. Evil scientist I've heard of, but let me introduce my evil dentist. Nonetheless, I should thank him for I no longer will look at a pool of blood in disgust. In fact, I think I look pretty cool with those blood all over my inner cheek and tongue. Damn. I'm starting to like the colour and taste of it O.o
Wednesday, May 18
Bebe Bibi? Err...Baby
Doc Bette with PhD in Superb Smile, Amazing Curve and Sexiness. She looks better in scrubs :>
Sounder's videos are unavailable at the moment. Damn. I can't wait to see some labor scenes and Bette holding their baby, in spite of having to study for my exam tomorrow.
Wish I could blog more but time is very limited. I have to study stinky Physics.
Wednesday, May 11
Tangled
Love? Crush? Puppy love? Temporary attraction? I cannot distinguish how I felt about someone.
She isn't the beautiful type with a slim, sexy, supermodel body that you could lust for. I'm just drawn to her modesty. Her slightly round face. Her messy hair, always tied up in a ponytail. And I frequently find myself attracted to her adorable movements. The way she walks is undeniably cute. She sang in class the other day. Her voice is like an angel to me, even though she sang out of tune. There's something about her voice that's very soothing. It's a pleasant feeling to hear her talk.
I tried finding flaws in her. So that I won't fall deeper for her. But it's in vain. When I could find her faults, they vanish quicker than a puff of smoke. Her inner beauty, suddenly appears and covers these flaws. From time to time, she made this little comments about how cute I am sometimes. It may be just another friendly remark to her, but it carries such a significant meaning to me. Yes, you are even more adorable. You have no idea. I can't tell you these words, can I?
I'm not close to her, vice versa. We merely happen to be classmates, not friends. But I know that sometimes she's unhappy with her mom. At that moment, I felt the urge to cuddle and console her. To shower her with all the affections if she needs. I want to feel her next to me. I long to craddle her in my arms. Unconsciously, I beamed when I received her text messages. I even find the way she expresses her words to be adorable. On her birthday, I delibrately reloaded my mobile so that I could send her a greeting.
But as I think further about this feeling, I am disgusted with myself. How could I have feelings for a straight classmate. If I were to act on them, I cannot imagine the consequences. Same-sex relationship is socially unacceptable here. Even if I could be with her, I don't think I have the heart to destroy her future that way. I wouldn't care how I might end up but she has a bright future with her. But then again, there is no point brooding over this, because it is highly unlikely that we can be together.
I feel extremely save to post here as opposed to writing in a diary or something in the hardcopy form. This will remain as another anynomous posting in a corner of the Internet. Either nobody reads or someone reads, then pass it as another dilemma faced by a confused teen. I don't have the energy to explain all this shit to anyone who finds out. Damn, life is pretty scary as you grow into adulthood.
Monday, May 2
Just, Living My Life
I haven't had any entries for some time. I'm just feeling rather lazy with the mid term exam waiting in the corner. It's kinda funny that I feel this way all the time. Instead of studying, I choose to wash mom's car, attempt to cook fettucini and all that relatively unimportant tasks. I cannot cook any dishes other than instant noodles, yet here I am.. trying to prepare some Italian dish. Doink -_- I was yearning to do practical stuff.. not torturing myself with all that thick textbooks. Aah...now I want to try knitting. Eeek XP
I sat for the
MUET examination on Saturday. Did 3 papers.. Reading Comprehension, Writing and Listening with 1 paper to go, that is Speaking which is next Tuesday. My worst and most dreaded paper. Speak? I guess I could babble, not speak. Or googoogaagaa like an infant. Nonetheless, I'm glad that I never have worry about essay writing anymore. Yippee ^_____^
Man I love my new second hand 17" monitor.. after some internal tweaking with Adobe Gamma :) When dad got it home, the screen looked washed out. There was no contrast button. Adjusting the darkness level didn't help. I searched everywhere for a free monitor calibration program and then I realise that I've already have one sitting in the Control Panel. Duh u_u; Tweaked the gamma and all three channels to get back the contrast. It was freaking hard for photo viewing before that was done. They seemed to be hidden under a layer of white with 50% opacity. Guh >,< Only God knows how deeply disturbed I was, not able to do the only thing that relieves me of emotional hurt.
I found so many good offers for a second hand Canon 300D. But my parents strongly object me from buying it. Despite my desire to own it, I will obey what they want. Really, there isn't any point going against them. I don't wish to see my parents telling my relatives about this matter and in return, having them thinking that I'm an irrational money spender. Nonetheless, my grandpa's analogue SLR is pretty awesome. I'm having so much fun shooting with film now. I just got back the photos from my first roll of film. I guess the result isn't quite satisfactory. Only 30% of the total shots are good. Bleh ^_o Well, I had a good bargain for 3 rolls of film, by which I save $2 for every roll. So, I'm looking forward to shooting great architectures within the heart of Georgetown to improve myself. Oh, darn.. gotta study before I could go out *dramatic music dies down* Dang!
